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Dear my 19 year old self,
Nineteen wasn't our best year. This is the year that we started out at the top of a very slippery slope. Where do I even begin?
Ok. Here. You met a boy. You think he's hung the moon. He makes you feel all "creative" and "dark" but in all actuality, he's making you depressed and a total pain in the ass to be around. Those poems you're writing are lame and your painting sucks. Your poems are making people worry and no one can see what you're painting when you only pain in black and red. Get a grip. He's not "interesting" and "different." He's a douche and treats you like dirt. Get rid of him and run far, far away. Trust me. There's someone better waiting for you and he'll give you the greatest gift on Earth.
You love to write, so write everything down! Every idea that comes to mind, write it down. No matter how inconsequential it seems, you may need it later on. Keep a journal and pen handy. Cause one day you'll be walking trough Barnes and Noble and you'll see a book with the EXACT same title and plot you concocted some eight years ago and you'll be kicking yourself for not writing it first.
Also keep writing your music and poetry. It may not go anywhere but it'll make you feel good. As long as it's not that crap what's-his-name brings out of you. *cringe* And painting! Don't stop painting. You're actually pretty good. And it makes you happy, genuinely happy. Especially when bright, happy colors are involved. You're incredibly creative and ridiculously talented. To stop doing what you love would be a waste. These things are a part of who you are. Don't lose them.
Read, read, read. That's what Dr. Seuss recommends and I would agree. Don't stop reading, ever. Keep every book you buy and start buying books you would want to read to your future child.
Don't smoke. It's gross and ten years later you'll wonder why in the hell you even started. Don't get that tattoo on your back. Don't start dropping the "F" bomb. Ten years later you'll still be saying it, only then you'll have to worry about it becoming your child's first word. (Though, you can always blame your husband.)
Lastly, Be who you are. Don't try to be someone you're not ... Especially for that A-hole, what's-his-face. You're bold, adventurous, creative, and fearless. Those are traits you love about yourself. Don't stop being those things! Be happy and the rest will follow.
See you soon,
SJ
Wow, that's an intense letter! I like it, I feel like I could easily copy it most of it for my 19 yo self, though I wasn't book blogging back then. I always wonder though...if you really did change all the bad things in your past, would you end up where you are now? It's a bit of an existential question, but it's interesting! Nice to meet you! :)
ReplyDeleteWhat a great letter! We all wish we could go back and make some better decisions in our lives. But the way I think about it is a lot like the above commenter--if you hadn't gone through all of that with that jerk, would you be able to appreciate your husband in the same way? The bad things shape us and make us better people. We wish we could go back and change things but maybe it's better that we experienced them, even if they were the most horrible parts of our lives. Of course, not everything applies to this. But I'm glad to hear that you're doing well now and are happy with your life! Great letter!
ReplyDeleteI do think about that. Had I not gone through all of those things I may not have met my husband and life may be much different. I'm very blessed in my life today. So in a way I'm thankful for my 19 year old self.
ReplyDeleteThis is amazing and very risque! However, I absolutely loved the raw emotions captured here. I've been thorough my share of depressing times. So don't stress too much. Easier said that done right! especially after its all done and passed. In hindsight, you think "Did I really do that", "was I this daffed." Sometimes, the bad keeps us all going.
ReplyDeleteLoving oneself is always the truest from of gratitude we can give. This was really lovely.
What a very brave letter to post. I love that you went personal and it's such a strong advice for yourself. 'Be who you are' is so important. Thanks for sharing <3
ReplyDeleteMel@thedailyprophecy
Oh Sarah, I love that you were very personal in your letter! Thanks for being so open about sharing with all of us. Being who you are is a lesson that all of us learn in different ways, and even though it seems like you had to go through a lot, I think that it made you stronger and wiser. Beautiful letter!
ReplyDelete